I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
