i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
