You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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