We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
