i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
