Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How does one acquire holy water?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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