we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
