This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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