i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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