Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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