Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
