Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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