can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
