I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
