yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
