Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
