i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
