I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
