We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
