ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
