I smell stomach acid.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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