So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
