Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
