it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
