how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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