Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just blew my weed a kiss
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
