Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
