Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
