Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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