i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize