??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
