Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So vagazzling was a success
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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