i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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