hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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