I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
