Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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