I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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