Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
