You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
operation have a gay friend backfired
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize