Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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