I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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