the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
