I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
