She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
