She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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