Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize