you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
