After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
