So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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