once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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