I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the day after is always just damage control
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
