how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
