strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
