Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize