plz talk dirty to me
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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