**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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