Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
