You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
