Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
