Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize