I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
