I wish I could punch you in the face.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
