I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
