i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I am available for nakedness
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
True college students do jello shots in the library
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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