I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just gift wrapped bread.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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