ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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