Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
