You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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